April 2001

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April 23, 2001:  Hello all.  Hope things are going well in your world.  The last two weeks have been pretty good.  On Easter Sunday, Justin and I joined Rob and Susan for a wonderful dinner.  We had a great time hanging out with our 'family'.  The conversation, company and especially the food, was wonderful!

This past weekend was really nice.  On Friday night, I had a great talk with my bro' Tab.  We celebrated 4/20 together over the phone.  I miss him a lot and can't wait to see him while I'm back on the East coast for a bit next month. 

On Saturday, I got up early, clean up the apartment, and then went and have breakfast with Vince.  We spent most of the morning together, just talking and enjoying each other's company and trying to digest the huge breakfast we ate!  After that, I headed down on Rt. 17 and ended up taking a nice detour and checking out this resevoir I see every time I head down to Capitola/Santa Cruz.  It was great!  Beautiful setting, nice scenery and some great trails.  I took a walk for about an hour and a half and then headed down to South San Jose to see Chris "Scooby" Morton.  Chris and I haven't seen each other in a while, due to the fact that we've both been pretty busy.  We hung out for a few hours and did some catchin' up, which was really nice!  After that, I headed over to downtown San Jose where I picked up Justin and took him back to my place.  He was exhausted from a rave the night before, so he just crashed, while I watch a movie and did his laundry.  I watched "What's Cooking" and if you haven't seen it, I do recommend that you do.  It's a twisted comedy that I really enjoyed :-)

On Sunday, I got up early and headed out to spend the day with my new found friend Johnny.  He and I met just over a week ago and so far, have been enjoying the opportunity to get to know each other.  He and I headed up to Ione, CA where we spent the morning helping his brother move out of his apartment.  After that, it was off to his parents place for some lunch and some great conversation,  We all also took a nice 3 mile walk in the country.  It was a nice and relaxing day.  We headed back to Dublin that afternoon, and after dropping me off, I went to the pool for a few minutes and enjoyed the sun and the hot tub.  An hour or so later, my friend Devery showed up and we hung out for a bit and watched The Simpson's, Malcom in the Middle and X-Files together.

All in all, things are good.  I'm still dealing with my breakup with Justin.  I'm definitely doing OK, and sometimes I have my moments of missing him, but I'm trying to move in the right direction and each week get's a little better.  We're doing our best to keep our frienship in tact, and with a bit of patience, understanding, compassion and love, we'll make it through this.

And that, in a tiny nutshell, is what's going on in my life.

All the best,

~Penz

April 12, 2001:  Ok, this is a little weird :)  Exactly 2 years to the day that I moved out to CA to join Quintus, Quintus is aquired by:
 


Hehehehe, that's a little strange folks, but such is life.  The deal went through today and if you'd like to read the press release, go right ahead!  I'm excited to see what the future holds for me at Avaya.  I know that there will be a lot of possibilities, and I'm looking forward to exploring them.

Other than that, a quiet day.  Looking forward to the weekend!

Oh yeah, check out this band called Frail.  I stumbled upon them tonight.  Pretty good stuff.

~Penz

April 11, 2001:  Well, at the close of business today, the assets of Quintus Corp. were sold to Avaya Communications!  As of tomorrow morning, I'll be an Avaya employee!  Let's see how things go...

Oh yeah, if you haven't done so already, check out the awesome songs that Tim "Porky" Watkins has been creating.  There are here on Acid Planet under the name of Pig Industries

Found out than an old friend of mine, Lorraine Doyle, is out here in CA and staying just minutes away from me!  We are looking forward to getting together with each other next week.  I can't wait!

And that's about all for now :)

~Penz

April 10, 2001:  Let's see, what's been going on?  Well, over the past few days I caught a cold, which has kinda drained the energy out of me, so I've been taking it real easy.  The weekend was good, but quiet.  I made a really good beef stew in my crockpot on Sunday (hehehe, having fun w/that silly thing) and have been munching on that for the past few days.  On Sunday, Justin stopped by for a few hours and we hung out for a little bit.  All in all, a good weekend.

Let's see, on the fun side, today I just bought myself a ticket to the Coachella Music Festival:

I'm heading down to the festival with my friends Don and Kevin.  We're taking off that Friday from work and driving down for the festivities.  It should be a BLAST!  I guess last year they had about 35,000 show up for this event.  Hehehe, definitely be something different.

Today I got my tickets to the Warped Tour 2001 show being held in San Francisco this June.  That's another fun show I'm looking forward to.

T-Minus ONE MONTH and I'll be on a plane heading overseas for two killer weeks in Europe.  I'm so looking forward to spending this time with Gini and my friends Alex and Porky.  Heheheheh, I'm counting the days....

Oh yeah, I read an AWESOME book this past week called "tuesdays with Morrie".  If you have not read this book, go online to Amazon.com or Barnes and Noble and buy it.  It is the true story of a dying professor and his last lesson that he leaves the world.  It is truly an amazing story that will add something truly positive to your life.

And that's about it for now.  I hope that all is going well in your neck of the woods.  Drop a line if you care to say hi!
April 5, 2001:  Well, not too much has been going on this week.  So far, I've got to hang out a couple of nights with my friend Greg.  He's in town from the Memphis, TN area, doing some contract work.  He is a great guy and I'm glad to know him and have him as my newfound friend.   His boyfriend, Dave,  is back in Memphis, TN and lucky for him, Greg flies back there just about once every week or so.  It's only until May, and then the work will be done and then they'll be back together.  I'm hoping to meet Dave during one of his trips out here!

This week is going pretty well.  Justin and I have been keeping in contact w/each other and that's been a good thing.  Emotionally, the last few days have been good for me.  The idea of us not being together as a couple is settling in, and though there are times I miss him like crazy, I'm dealing with it in a healthy and pretty positive manner.

Here's something ironic.  I just found a poem that I copied out of a book his former boyfriend Alex had given him this year as a gift.  It's a beautiful book full of Cuban love sonnets, and this is one that Justin shared with me that I'd like to share with you:

"When I die, I want your hands on my eyes:
I want the light and wheat of your beloved hands

to pass their freshness over me once more:

I want to feel the softness that changed my destiny.

I want you to live while I wait for you, asleep.
I want your ears still to hear the wind, I want you

to sniff the sea's aroma that we loved together,

to continue to walk on the sand we walk on.

I want what I love to continue to live,
and you whom I love and sang above everything else

to continue to flourish, full-flowered:

so that you can reach everything my love directs you to,
so that my shadow can travel along in your hair,

so that everything can learn the reason for my song.

LXXXIX
From 100 Love Sonnets

by Pablo Neruda"

If you're not moved by that piece, check to be sure your heart is beating.... it's beautiful...

This weekend, Adam was supposed to come up from LA, but he's gotta work, so I'm not sure what I'm going to do.  It's possible that I may go on a day hike on Saturday up Mt. Diablo, which is pretty close to hear (about 20 min away).  I've seen some pictures and it looks pretty damn nice!  As for the rest of the weekend, I'll just take it as it comes.  Justin is heading up to the Lake Tahoe area with a friend of his to go to a wedding, so hopefully, he'll have a good time.

Next weekend is Easter weekend, and on Sunday, I'll be heading over to Rob and Susan's for dinner. 

That's about it for now....

~Penz
 

April 1, 2001:  Wow, talk about a hell of a weekend.

First off, I'm single :-\

but that's not necessarily a bad thing.  On Friday night, Justin and I had a long talk.  He initiated it, due a series of events over the past two months where the both of us knew 'something was up'.  Well, he told me some very wonderful things, that I've been waiting to say and of which, I needed to know.  We both love each other very much.  We have become the best of friends and have forged a bond which will last a lifetime, but the time came where Justin realized that it's just not the right time for the two of us to be dating.  There are a lot of reasons, our age difference not being one of them.  In a nutshell, it boils down to where we are in our lives, and they are two very different places.  We can and will continue to provide each other with the same love, strength, guidance, and compassion that we have in the past.  Basically, the only thing that will is being removed from the relationship is the intimacy.  Sadly for me, that was one of the most special parts of our relationships as boyfriends (as it should be!), and I will greatly miss those moments.  But, we will survive and move on, enjoy and share the life experiences that the  future has in store for the both of us.

It sure was a hell of a moment, because it was Justin, not I who initiated this.  As my Skinny Dawg brother observed:  "the master, once again, became the student".  In my heart, I know that I have accomplished what I set out to do over a year ago.... and that is for me, and a special few others, to know and understand.

Though today, I'm still a bit sad, I feel pretty darn good.  I'm very proud of Justin.  It's amazing at just how strong of an individual he truly is.  I guess that's just one of the reasons why I love him so much.

I will share with you the following words of wisdom which brought me some comfort this weekend: 

"One More Passing Show.  This is a strategy that I have recently adopted into my own life.  It's a subtle reminder that everything - the good and bad, pleasure and pain, approval and disapproval, achievements and mistakes, fame and shame, all come and go.  Everything has a beginning and an ending and that 's the way it's supposed to be.

Every experience you have ever had is over.  Every thought you've ever had, started and finished.  Every emotion and mood you've experienced has been replaced by another.  You've been happy, sad, jealous, depressed, angry, in love, shamed, proud and every other conceivable human feeling.  Where did they all go?  The answer is, no one really knows.  All we know is that, eventually, everything disappears into nothingness.  Welcoming this truth into your life is the beginning of a liberating adventure. 

Our disappointment comes about in essentially two ways.  When we're experience pleasure we want it to last forever.  It never does.  Or, when we're experiencing pain, we want it to go away - now.  It usually doesn't.  Unhappiness is the result of struggling against the natural flow of experience.

It's enormously helpful to experiment with the awareness that life is just one thing after another.  One present moment followed by another present moment.  When something is happening that we enjoy, know that while it's wonderful to experience the happiness it brings, it will eventually be replaced by something else, a different type of moment.  It that's okay with you, you'll feel peace even when the moment changes.  And if you're experiencing some type of pain or displeasure, know that this took shall pass.  Keeping this awareness close to your heart is a wonderful way to maintain your perspective, even in the face of adversity.  It's not always easy, but it is usually helpful."

This caption is by Richard Carlson, from his book "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff".  It was recommended to me by Adam Arnold and I highly recommend this modern day 'taoist' to everyone :-)

Saturday, I spent most of the day with Don aka Hellpup.  We hadn't seen each other in a while, because Don hibernates during the winter.  We spend an excellent day together, enjoying Half Moon Bay and each other's company into the early hours of the evening.

I got a call from my sister yesterday.  She was hella excited because Mom just bought her a silver 2000 VW Bug!  Heheheh, wrapped in huge red ribbon and everything!  How cool is that?  Pretty cool Mom, pretty cool :-)

Today I spent the morning by myself, and then met up with Justin for lunch.  It was a little weird.  I'm still a bit sad (and that's to be expected for a wee bit), but otherwise, had a nice afternoon with him.  Tonight, it's Sunday night TV.   Maybe a new episode of the X-Files!?!  <sigh> That would be nice.

And that, in a very tiny coconut shell, it what's up with me.  I hope all is well in your world.

~Penz


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