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"Do not assume that he who seeks to comfort you now,
lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words
that sometimes do you good.

His life may also have much sadness and difficulty,
that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise,
he would never have been able to find these words."

Rainer Maria Rilke, 1875 - 1926

Well, it is certainly good to see that curiosity is still alive and kicking! Over past years, through many personal trials and tribulations, I have learned to become very comfortable with myself and my sexuality. I am gay and in 1997 (when I was 27 years old) I 'came out'!

On this page, I'm going to address some of the most common questions that I asked myself and that were asked to me by my friends and family over the past few years. By no means am I going to try and explain/detail all of the emotions, thoughts and experiences that I've had to deal with. My goal here is to allow you the opportunity to begin to understand me a bit more in the area of what it has socially been like for me to "come out of the closet." 

Hehehe, don't worry if you don't totally 'get it'.  It took me a long time to figure out for myself who I am, and I'm not expecting any more or less from you.  Just try to keep an open mind, remember that 'people are people', and that my sexuality is just one small part of what makes me, me! 

Why are you gay?
Well, I really can't explain why and I certainly didn't have a choice in this matter. It's just the way I am. I have been sexually attracted to other men since I was about 15 years old.  Just as some men are attracted to women, some women to men, and some women to women, I'm sexually attracted to other guys. 

Please do not assume that I was abused in any way as a child or that some traumatic childhood experience caused me to be gay.  I was brought up by two very wonderful and special people who are my parents and they loved and cared for me, my brother and sister very much.  Two of the many lessons that my parents taught me while growing up was to have an open mind and to learn to respect people for who they were.  Those were good lessons to instill, and not suppress, in a child. 

In my early teens, I began to discover more of who I was, and it was about this time that my attraction to the same sex become very apparent to me.  Due to certain events occurring at that time in my life (such as my parents getting a divorce and other major issues), I chose not to address this matter until a bit later on in my life.  Heheheh, believe me, sometimes I wish I could have done this earlier, but everything happens for a reason, and I think I turned out just fine. 

Being gay is not living any type of lifestyle (at least not for me).  It simply pertains to my sexual orientation.  I am sexually attracted to men, not women.  That's it. That's what being gay means. You are attracted to others of the same sex. It's life, not a lifestyle!

Do you find women attractive?
Heheh, yes. I have always appreciated the beauty of women, whether it be physical or personality based.  I will never lose that. But it is more of an appreciation, rather than a sexual attraction.  When it comes down to actual sexual appeal, a woman just does not do it for me. 

Have I ever sexually been with a woman?
Ahhhh, <drum roll>  yes.  I have sexually been with a woman when I was younger, but it just didn't float my boat. Been there, done that, and can honestly say, it's just not for me. 

So, how do you act? Are you effeminate'?
There are many gay and straight men who are very masculine and some who are more effeminate and a lot who fall somewhere in between.  It all depends on the person. Personally, I reside on the masculine end of the scale, but that's just me.

This is my life.  It is not a lifestyle.  

So, who knows about this? Are you 'out'?
Well, as of right now, you now know. Hehehe, not to worry, you are not the first. I came out to my immediate family and just about all of my friends at the beginning of 1997.  It was actually the first New Years resolution that I had ever kept!  Ha! Imagine that. 

So does this mean that I go around announcing to everyone that I meet that I'm gay?  No. Come on, get real. There is a lot more to me than just my sexual orientation.  If you took the time to read the pages before this one, I would hope that you have started to understand that. If the topic of me being gay comes up (or someone is trying to set me up with their daughter.... that's happened more than once) then I'll bring it up. Heck, there are a lot more interesting things about me besides that fact that I'm gay, but it's a part of who I am and I'm not ashamed of that :)

Why did you decide to come out?
Because I was sick of hiding. Being shy is not a big part of my character, and I hated the feeling of not being able to fully be myself. So, I made the decision to share what I considered to be a fairly private part of my life with the world around me. 

My own benefit aside, I also wanted to show the people around me that one can be bi-sexual, gay, or whatever, and not have to conform to any type of silly stereotypes.  I have worked very hard to become the person that I am today, and I like who I am.  I am also very honored to be surrounded by a wonderful group of friends and family who mean the world to me. 

Without a doubt, 'coming out' was an excellent choice for me. There are few thing worse than hiding yourself from your friends and family and living a lie.

Were you scared to come out?  Were you ever afraid that you would lose all of your friends?
Once I became comfortable with myself, it wasn't that bad. But hell yeah, there were definitely some times that I was uncomfortable and downright scared.  Coming out to my friends was probably the scariest thing I've ever had to do.  I was so afraid that I was going to loose some or all of the people around me, of whom I cared for so much .  It turns out that I had no reason to be afraid.  I had chosen my friends very wisely and each one of them was there for me in their own special way.  I was then as I am now; a very lucky man.  Not one of my friends has left me because I cam out.  As a matter of fact, it's actually made many of my friendships grow even stronger, now that I can share more of my life with those around me.

I know that not everyone is or will be as lucky as I have been when they make or made the decision to come out.  The one piece of advice that I will give you is this:  be your own best friend.  There will be times in your life when no one else can or will be there to stand up beside you.  You will have to face the challenge before you, alone.  Be sure that you can do this.  Have faith in yourself.  Love yourself and you will find that you contain the greatest source strength that you will ever need to know.  All you have to do is believe in you! 

So, what kinds of guys do you find attractive?  What's your type?
Heheh, well, l like guys who act like guys.  Guys who like to go out and be sociable, who like to keep themselves active, aren't afraid to get their fingers dirty and who value the same basic ideals that I do.   They should also have a great sense of humor and basically want to live this wonderful life to it's fullest potential. 

As for what this special guy is going to look like (sexual attraction)?  Well, my appreciation for different types of men has been growing over the past few years.  Generally, I'm physically attracted to guys with great smiles and eyes.  I'm finding out over time that I really don't have a specific 'type' that I'm attracted to.  Hahah, as with food, my tastes are expanding, so it depends on the individual person :-)  Seriously though, check out the previous pages on me for what values I look for in the people I associate with.  That's what is going to bring and keep us together :)

Am you single?
Heheheh, yes, at this time I am single.  I'm still looking for that special someone to share my life with.  Hahah, so, if you like what you have seen so far and are interested in getting to know me better, well drop me a line and say hi!  (oh yeah, did I mention I was shy?  Haha, yeah right :-).

In conclusion...
And so, that is that. I hope that you now have a little bit better grasp on who I am, as far as my sexuality is concerned.  If you have any questions that you want to ask, feel free to do so.  If you just stopped by here because you were curious, well I hope you found what you were looking for. There is an old saying that says "Curiosity killed the cat." Well, my come back for that one has always been "At least he died smiling and knowing what was going on."

All the best to you.  Carpe Diem!  ~Penz

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